Mid-Century report: May 8, 2051
Here are key headlines as spring semester 2051 draws to a close:
- Administration has finished its annual redistricting. The former dean of English, mathematics, clone studies, and telepathy is now the dean of forgotten languages, forgotten technologies, forgotten TV shows, and lost car keys.
- Employees are reminded of mandatory attendance at “duty day” at the end of finals week. All employees must attend two of three events: graduations, an afternoon “ice cream social” with mandatory Karaoke featuring the hits of Katy Perry and Justin Bieber, or a morning keynote address by Galzdispark of the Trevi Galaxy, speaking on “Zi Pyormp ninini Glaxow”
- The bookstore’s annual Woody Woodduck memorial sale is going on now. 10% off selected VR goggles.
- Faculty are reminded that grades must be submitted by tachyon to their due date of 10 days ago.
- Staff are reminded not to begin celebrating the start of summer until the last faculty member has left campus.